Hurting someone

Your personality is an expert in knowing how easily his rules and standards can be violated, and how unpleasant that can be to a personality. He is also very aware of the counteraction that this will call forth, which is: attack you in return.

This makes everything you say and do a tricky exercise, since you have no idea whether or not you are about to enter the sensitive zone of other personalities. And when you do enter one, you know for sure that this will mean that a response can be expected, whether it is expressed or not. And whether it is pleasant or not. Even if the response is limited to a way of looking or a brief remark, it still is the result of the other person judging you.

What you see here, is that your personality projects his own approach and limitations onto others around him. He expects a judgment. And in order to be able to predict when and how this will happen, he takes his own unique worldview as a starting point. You could for example see it like this: when I tell you that you are fired, then I expect you to judge this to be an unwanted message. What I do not know is that for example you may feel very relieved deep down inside. Or that this may be the start of a fantastic new period in your life. Maybe you will learn a lot about yourself by having to face all kinds of issues with regard to this being fired.

While I am likely to have had some conversations in my head with myself on how this message was to be delivered to you, which has lead to a certain behavioural pattern that aims at minimizing your feelings of unpleasantness. And why? Because I do not like it when you would plainly show me that you do not like anything I say or do. Or that you start to blame me. And by this my personality follows the unwritten code in which we agreed that unpleasant messages should be delivered in a way that is as pleasant as possible. Thus my personality reconfirms his own beliefs and perceptions, and that he did know what was best for you.

Now there are a lot of situations that we share with each other which will lead to more or less unpleasant feelings or not, and this will give some structure to the worldview of your personality. It may not take away the effects, but you know in advance what to expect. Receiving a present has to be appreciated, being hit should be seen as unpleasant, etc. This is all only a frame for expressing reactions, whilst your real feelings are very different from them. Remember for example the present you received which you did not like.

So what is the real solution here? Wanting to be judged a nice person means strengthening personalities. Anticipating on situations is assuming that you know what is best for the other person involved. And by playing these games, you will keep each other prisoner in the make-believe rules you set for the game "I/you are a personality". When you learn to open up to your inner Self this might mean that the personality of another person may not think that you are playing along nicely, however, you are likely to be in contact on a different level of awareness and your inner Selves know better than that. The feeling that will result from this type of contact has a lasting value, and will break through the thick layer of personality feelings.

When you let yourself be inspired by your personality for your contacts with other people, you will strengthen and re-enact the pattern described above. When you let yourself be inspired by your inner Self, you will free yourself and the other person involved from the vicious circle you maintained till then. Try it yourself, you cannot overlook the difference in awareness. There is no logic in it to you, as you may expect a certain behaviour from the other person. Since you set him free totally, the other person is free as well to choose a place to react from, besides the one you used to strengthen in each other. This can be a very refreshing experience for the both of you.